2. Prior Sext in a Previous City

I promise I’ll talk about New York soon but I think this story is worth the mention because this was one of the weirdest dates I’ve ever been on and my sexter becomes a rather constant counselor in my current dating life. Prior to this I’ve only had one online dating experience and… let’s just say it didn’t quite pan out the way I expected. I was back home visiting family abroad for New Years and was bored… and lonely. Initially I downloaded Tinder to see which one of my friends were on it, but when the matches started piling up, I became pretty addicted. After messaging back and forth for a few weeks, I decided to meet up with “JM”, a German entrepreneur, who, haven travelled the world decided to make South East Asia his home for the next year or so. He was handsome, smart, funny, ambitious and rocking a sexy man bun, so naturally I thought, hey- why the fuck not? We met up at a low-key Jazz Bar and we immediately hit it off. 2 hours and 5 rounds of increasingly strong drinks later, we decided it would probably be a good idea to do something I’ve never done before. So for some reason still unknown to me, we thought: STRIP CLUB.

It was a unique 3-story joint called “Spank” where every employee had a foam stick, which they were to do with however they pleased. Stepping into a Strip Club for the first time reminded me of being in Disneyland. Though for some it is “the happiest place on earth”, it was undeniably artificial and man-made. The room was alive with vivid sounds, lights and mickey-mouse-ear-shaped breasts. As I made my way through a sea of foam sticks swinging at my behind, I saw countless mesmerized boys, trying to hide their excitement behind clumsy beer gulps, with their eyes glued to the beautiful girls “dancing”/parading around the stage. I’m not going to lie- I was intrigued and after a few more rounds of cheap vodka shots, I was also on onstage (with my clothes on, thankfully) dancing with a pole like my life depending on it.

2. Pole Dancin

Though I was ready to go home by 1.30 AM, we had no choice but to remain indoors due to the citywide curfew; so basically we had to entertain ourselves until 4 AM. Drunkenly, I found an unoccupied room with nothing but a empty bar. We wandered in and started the usual post-date tango. But somewhere during the routine, we messed up the steps, lost the rhythm and the essential equipment stopped working. When we couldn’t fix or trouble shoot the problem after 30 minutes, we gave up and just laid on the counter top. Maybe it was the booze talking or the vulnerability of a failed “tango”, but within the 2 hours we inevitably had left in there, we decided to get to know each other. In return for my transparency, I learned about his commitment issues, substance abuse, wanderlust and goals. By the time we were sober enough to try again, we just looked at each other, laughed and hugged.

Sometimes you make connections by ways you never expect. Though I knew I was taking a huge leap of faith, I let my gut lead me to the darkest corners of a promiscuous place and found a special light, brighter than I could have ever imagined. After I returned to the city, I still kept our conversations going. Though it’s mostly through elongated Facebook messages, hysterical Snapchats and occasional Skype calls, I made a long distance friend. Who would have thought through Tinder, I would go on what we both concluded was “the best first/last date ever”.

1. Step ino the Darkside

As I contemplated my answer for the only questionnaire I’ve ever cared about that didn’t have a hollow promise of a cash prize upon completion, I swear my love life flash before my eyes. Though the sentiment may sound ignorant and drastic now, signing up for these sites for the first time had this “point of no return” sensation. It was like finally admitting that the old, conventional ways of finding love might not be enough; that I might not be enough anymore. I had finally given into the latest fad and the belief that everyone in the city was just looking for a hookup. This seemed like the only alternative left to weed out the Mr. Wrongs… or so I thought. My love life, as I knew it, was coming to an end. This was a new era of dating, a new romantic dawn, a new lifestyle, where we know more about the other person through Facebook than on the first date.

My friend had introduced me to the brand world recently after finally admitting where she met her boyfriend. After almost a year of happily dating, she was a huge advocate for meeting a special someone online. One night, fed up about my rants about assholes, she sat me down and helped me with my profile. However, being an overachiever, I couldn’t settle for just one site. I was simultaneously registering for Plenty of Fish, OkCupid and downloading Tinder.

As I brainstormed the most empowering, yet flirtatious and “cool” way answer “You should message me if”, I realized that I had no idea what I was looking for. I had previously typed:

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…Realizing that was probably too much information, I deleted everything and simply settled for “if you want!” That was concise and cool right? And just before it was too late I remembered that I had to be flirty too so I added an extra 😉 at the end before hitting send. Now it was perfect. And just like that, my first online dating profiles were created. Ok Cupid, I have stepped into the dark side, and apparently you have Plenty of Fish.

 

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The New Era of Sext in the City

Pre-New York, Sex and The City used to be my guilty pleasure. I watched as these four hopeful, but slightly jaded, girls frolic all over Manhattan (and sometimes not-Manhattan, to their horror) in Manolos, that costs more than a month’s worth of groceries, looking for love and sex (not necessarily in that order). I was baffled by this lifestyle. I couldn’t comprehend how such sexy, smart and sophisticated women could remain unhappily single for so long and more surprisingly how they managed to score a hot new date every single weekend. I think it was about 5 months into living in the city that I realized; I had turned into one of them (with less money and shorter heels, of course). I was having sex and looking for love in the city. Now the show wasn’t about these incomprehensible strangers anymore, it was about me and my friends.

However, as relatable as the show still is, there’s one little difference that actually changes everything. These ladies didn’t have, *drum roll*, technology. Can you imagine how much more difficult their lives would have been if Carrie could stalk Mr. Big on Facebook, if Miranda could look at Steve’s instragram posts, if Charlotte could lose sleep waiting for an IMessage or, dear lord, if Samantha had Tinder. Oh wait, we can imagine this because this is our world now.

This blog, Sext and the City, address how technology, Internet and social media have changed urban relationships and how people connect. I am not trying to update Sex and The City but tell my own stories with my own perspectives. Over the last few years of actively and fearlessly dating in this (and other) cities, I have collected a varied and crazy range of stories and lessons. My experiences ranges from taking my now ex-boyfriend to the ER after getting alcohol poisoning on a night out, to getting left at a fancy restaurant in a middle of a first date, to spilling my Gin on the modern day equivalent of Prince Charming but still getting his number. I’ve had rendezvoused with Tinder, OkCupid, POF on top of the good old fashion real-life pickups and bar hopping. I don’t have the answers to everything- or anything for that matter, not even almost close. But over the past few years I’ve collected enough crazy stories to last a lifetime- or so it seems. The most important thing I want to remind my readers is self-love because we cannot break up with ourselves. Understanding our value will determine the kind of people we attract and stop us from settling for less. So, let’s go on this journey together; to find love and have sex in the age of technology.

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